Super Heros

I have been thinking about it for a while... and... I have decided that most artists are like super heros.

How? Well, think about it, most super heros have ordinary lives... and than, magically, at the end of the day, they transform and suddenly can do what they love to do: save the world.

I have been graduated for a whole month... and it is hard being a full time super hero. I have tried on numerous occasions to update, and failed because I was too busy crying to myself how hard life was. and that's not what I want to be sharing with everyone. I don't want to tell the internet that I have lost 12 pounds because I can't afford food. I don't want to share I can't sleep because I am counting the dollars and cents in my wallet... And I definitely don't want to share that I am having second thoughts about my Certification to be an exercise teacher. But the balance is exactly that: It's hard to be a full time super hero... EXTREMELY HARD. I never liked spiderman for this reason... I always wished I could be a bruce wayne...

So these next couple weeks... perhaps months... will be a test... A test of strength. Of sanity. Of dedication. Because every week I commit, and by the time sunday rolls around, I get an awful sinking feeling and start second guessing.

The options:

To struggle. To grin and bare it. To starve so I can put gas in my tank to make it to the city. To Work 4 jobs on opposite sides of the city. To be poor and happy teaching young kids Why dance is important.

OR

To assimilate. To get the desk job. To be stable. To be stable and die inside making paper shipments and other people's dreams your biggest concern....

I keep saying that option one is what I want, but I can slowly feel the sand sliding out from under me with no foot hold. And now that I am starting a company, and dancing in the city... I am thinking that maybe.... JUST maybe... I could assimilate to civilian life. To walk among them. To talk and act and dress like a true 9-5er. And I look at super heros before me, other artists, my cousin, who did find a 9-5 until they could do what they wanted.

And I ask myself... COULD I be happy with that???