Getting what you deserve...

Girls Talk.

No seriously, I went to an all girl school and when you told one person with a texting phone (that NOT everyone had back then) something at 8:00, by 8:10 the whole school would know. I have heard that ten minute gap had closed to two now (thanks iphone) but my point is that news travels fast.

My dad once told me never to write something EVER unless you would publish it on the front of the Wall Street Journal, a rule I have kept to.

Except for just once.

Apparently, if you scroll back a few posts, I said some things that were not so nice. Mainly, because I thought the victim of said hurtful things would never read them.... To my knowledge, no one read this except my grandma and my mom (hi guys) but apparently, I had more readers than I thought....

And now I am sticking my big, dumb foot into my big dumb blog.

In a RAGE of firey anger (I have often been compared to a tempest when enraged) I wrote a blog. Maybe 12 lines long, and just like a tempest, it simmered and died. That is the beauty of the Blog: I feel emotion, I share it with the blog, and just like that, I move on. It's like a journal, only I know mom and grandma are reading this one, and sometimes sending me their critiques and corrections.

Well, it happened. I hurt someone I WAS very close to and I'm sorry. I've always been up front and honest with everyone, but when someone shuts you out of their life, what am I to do but right angry blogs....

...wait, that's not right either.

The point is I hurt someone and I'm sorry, and this blog is not about a "public apology", but more to recognize that I messed up, and I wish they would have kept reading, because they have been a topic of more then just that blog and in a 100% better light. Boo.

Live and learn I suppose. Crap.

My fickle Passion

Have you ever felt you picked the wrong career?

I did. I'm sure if you scroll back to about February you will read about my own self doubt, insecurities, and unsured-ness. And it has returned.

I have always been told I was a pretty ok writer. At 16 I was given a ton of books by a trusted family member about how to be published, refine my skills, and make a career of it. Now, almost 10 years later I am getting paid to write. That's not my soul purpose, obviously, but it is one thing that I look forward to: Sitting down with my obscure music in my house by myself and just typing what I want. And recently I have been told I was a fantastic writer, and I thought maybe all my hard work in dance were for not. Is writing my calling?

Nope.

I know, just as easy as that the thought was gone. It makes no sense, when my dad was feebly attempting to help me find a career, he asked me what it was I would do for free. My answer was Dance, and write. The truth though is that I could drop anything and just dance. In fact I have, and I go insane if I am not allowed this. However, my writing conditions are very fickle. It must be quiet, with no other text. There must be nothing standing in the way of me and my thoughts, and as you know, I can go DAYS without updating the blog... which probably means I haven't had peace and quiet since the last blog. Also, I feel my writing is good because it is untamed. I know TOO many amazing writers with such talent that went to a college to "refine" their skills, and they came out methodical, formulaic, robots. It's terrible, like an article out of a one-sided journal that my mother used to line her bird cage with. I never want that to be me. And as far as the actual writing part goes, I would prefer to think that my writing hasn't gotten better, but my thought process. Because that is all it is, I sit down and start spitting out all my thoughts, and they end up right here.

But, here comes anther roommate, and I have yet another event to work (more on THAT later) so for now, I must bid the internet, adieu.

Catch up

Whew! is it really May?

I am going to make a sad attempt again to update at least twice a week. This should be easier since now I am getting paid to blog (not here, but elsewhere) and I am hoping that being in practice will help me to get my own thoughts out. Here's an update of life in 6 weeks.

1) Dance in transit was postponed from June 4th and 5th to Sept. 11 & 12th

2) I got a full time job that I love and am VERY grateful to have

3) I have began to think about my final tattoo

4) I am trying to embrace Life after college, My license has no more red stripe which is terrifying.

5) I think for the first time in life I have gained the respect of my family because I am graduated from college with a full time job and living on my own.

6) Inspired soul is up off the ground.

Unfortunately i have begun this part of my blog a little on the late side, which means i will need to (unwillingly) resume again when their are less distractions involved.

More to come on Dance in transit and Inspired soul in the near future. But for now my pillow calls