I did. I'm sure if you scroll back to about February you will read about my own self doubt, insecurities, and unsured-ness. And it has returned.
I have always been told I was a pretty ok writer. At 16 I was given a ton of books by a trusted family member about how to be published, refine my skills, and make a career of it. Now, almost 10 years later I am getting paid to write. That's not my soul purpose, obviously, but it is one thing that I look forward to: Sitting down with my obscure music in my house by myself and just typing what I want. And recently I have been told I was a fantastic writer, and I thought maybe all my hard work in dance were for not. Is writing my calling?
Nope.
I know, just as easy as that the thought was gone. It makes no sense, when my dad was feebly attempting to help me find a career, he asked me what it was I would do for free. My answer was Dance, and write. The truth though is that I could drop anything and just dance. In fact I have, and I go insane if I am not allowed this. However, my writing conditions are very fickle. It must be quiet, with no other text. There must be nothing standing in the way of me and my thoughts, and as you know, I can go DAYS without updating the blog... which probably means I haven't had peace and quiet since the last blog. Also, I feel my writing is good because it is untamed. I know TOO many amazing writers with such talent that went to a college to "refine" their skills, and they came out methodical, formulaic, robots. It's terrible, like an article out of a one-sided journal that my mother used to line her bird cage with. I never want that to be me. And as far as the actual writing part goes, I would prefer to think that my writing hasn't gotten better, but my thought process. Because that is all it is, I sit down and start spitting out all my thoughts, and they end up right here.
But, here comes anther roommate, and I have yet another event to work (more on THAT later) so for now, I must bid the internet, adieu.
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