I get knocked down

... Nothing good ever happens on tuesdays.

Seriously, Being the second at anything pretty much is lame (I would know as a second child). But today, tired and sore I dragged myself to class, and after a series of unfortunate events (kicked someone in the shoulder, possibly spraining my second and third toe, being told I was too strong for my own good, and being put into a chorus role in a new work) I became very frustrated with myself and began questioning myself. Here I was, finally out of my bay area bubble, and I am still being cast as the "smart" dancer. The one who knows all the counts, paid attention to details, and could probably clarify the path of the arm and it's motivation...

Unfortunately for me though, smart dancers are not featured dancers, or at least that is my observation.

I knew this to be familiar to other aspects of life... I have identified before with the size 6 trapped in a size 12 body, an artist trapped in a stalky body, a featured dancer trapped in a smart dancer body...

The best two things I learned today was from Joe, who is teaching the new rep piece. He said 1: the skin is not just part of your body. The concept, "I think, therefore I am" is bull. Your skin reacts and has thought too. Not cognative obviously, but it reacts to impulses and should not be thought of as a part of your body, but an extension of the brain. And if you don't believe that, put your hand on a hot stove and think it to stay there... You can't. The nerves in your skin tell you to move your hand...

Ping! A lightbulb went on in my head. So bright I felt I needed to share it.

Last and probably more important at the end of the day he looked around at our overwhelmed faces and reminded us that we came here to learn. Part of growing is being frustrated, and handling it, be it conquoring the obstacle, or some other creative option.

... Gr! He's right.

So, I'm taking it all back. With a negative attitude I won't get anywhere. And by subscribing to a label I've already lost the game.

So tomorrow, I'm taping my toes together, pulling myself up by the bra straps and dancing like me, the smartest featured dancer EVER!

... Tomorrow is a new day! I'll let you know how it goes.

After a therapudic swim with sis and watching best in show, I will put my pity hat away and take care of Wednesday!

Wish me luck!

~ Nat Q.