In the Spirit of Christmas.

I have done it.

I am 14 hours away from my last final... and 3 days away from my certification test. and while I tried to think of who i was and how I got here in May when I walked, I found it hard to do because I knew I would be back this semester, so I just couldn't take it seriously.

And yet, here I am. Maybe it is because of Christmas, or my productive day, but I found myself compiling a list of all the people who I should, and would thank. Affirmations have always been a huge part of my life, and I think maybe now, at the beginning of a new chapter in life, I would take the time to affirm them, as I know when I win a Tony, I would never have enough time:

To my biggest supporter, and trail blazer, My sister Chrissy: For reminding me we come from a family of champions.

To my Brother Danny: who always keeps me thinking outside the box.

My mother: Who always told me I could do anything I wanted, and meant it.

My Father: for being my biggest creative inspiration of my life. From making up his own game, being his own boss, and never understanding me, I will always strive for his approval (read: affection).

To My Grandfather, Papa Q.: who reminds me daily that while most people strive for 15 minutes of fame, We strive for lifetime achievement awards. Also, you can go further in life with a positive demeanor, hard work ethic, and honest heart then any certificate, degree, or trophy will take you.

To My Grandma Q: Who reminds me that being a lady is not old-fashioned or stuffy, but classy and appealing

To My Grandma D: for giving me, what my roommate calls "Passion in my blood".

To my deceased grandparents: They are watching me.

To Andy and Else Sinsigalli: My pseudo-parents, whom even while raising their own children found a way to support and guide me in all my decisions.

To Karen and Dan Brady: for helping shape my young adolescent mind into a positive healthy experience:

To Mary and Melissa Muntz: for teaching more than just ballet barre and how to dance in 2.5 inch heels.

To Carolyn Felker, My first and oldest boss, for giving me the option to leave and come back as my schedule allowed. I would not have taken the risks I did in college had I not always had an income to come back to.

To Jolie: for being my shoulder to cry on, my listening wall, my whipping post, and my partner in crime throughout my college career.

To Gary, Fred, and Janie: for reminding me to take chances, be arrogant and to always do something.

To Jason Becker and Wayne Cope: two people I would never make a lasting decision about without weighing the pros and cons with them.

And hardly last, but all my closest friends through school: Christine, Denise, Shawn, T.J., Vanessa, Alex, Dante, Kiersten, Charlene, Megan, Morgan, Andrea, Heather, Corinne, Jamie, Claire, Rachel, Savs, Stephanie, Ash, Renae, Bridget, Toby, and Matt: for giving me the support, guidance, and strength to be myself.

Back to the books....

A christmas story

It's more funny than to teach, but I'm goiong to tell it anyways...

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who went to a catholic school... There was nothing worng with going to a catholic school, but they did wear uniforms, whihc is where the conflict comes in this story. As a result, all the children at this catholic school could express their individuality in only one of 2 clothing mediums: Hair and Clothes, and even hair had a no hat policy.

It was in these accessories that the little girl developed her hat/shoe addiction, and had every hat and shoe accessory any little girl could possibly ask for. Her impressive hat collection had everything; newsboy caps from her grandfather, a pink brimmed hat for playing with grandma in the garden, a red Baret for family church... This little girl had everything she could possibly ask for.

Until one day, there was a new shoe in town. It was delightful! So sleek with high-tops, the crisp white laces, right down to the light up sides of the outside support that made the wearer's feet sparkle when they walked. The little girl in the commercial taunted the little girl, riding her bike to catchy music on the commercial, when she pumped her bike pedals the shoes lit up too! Obviously, these shoes were too good to be true...

.... L.A. Gears.

The little girl wanted them SO bad. She PINED for her L.A. Gears, until the next day after Saturday morning cartoons when she first saw the commercial, she went to school, and alas. Everyother little girl had the L.A. Gears that the little girl wanted. They were even more Perfect in person, but when 12 little little girls wore them, it looked as if they fit in with the uniform the girl had to wear everyday. And so her heart sank, because she knew now that she would never own a pair of the BEloved L.A. gears. On one hand, they were the very essence of everything she had hoped for in a shoe: classy & elegant. On the other hand, if she ran home and asked her generous parents for a pair, the magic was ruined, because she would always, even on weekends, be reminded of her uniform, and how it was only a matter of time before she had to go back to school.

And so she never asked, and in turn never Got the L.A. Gears.

Several years went by, and the little girl grew up. Her addiction to shoes and hats had slowly shifted to hats, shoes, scarves and bags. She had so many and was so happy, but now that the girl was ending her degree and moving into the adult world, she was hoping to find something to help her start her working career. What she sought after was a new bag: something practical and grown up; sophisticated and functional.

One day, in her last month of going to school, she found such a bag. The little girl saw her two best friends with the most beautiful bag she had ever seen. "what is that?!" The Little Girl cried.

"Lululemon" Her friends replied, "we each have one! Aren't they so functional?"

She ran right home and told her generous parents of the magical bag, but they laughed at her, telling her they bag was silly and not pretty. But, it didn't need to be pretty, it needed to be practical and functional. And it didn't matter that she found it at school, she now loved school and wanted to use it to remember the great education she had gotten. The little girl pined for her bag, and it laughed at her from the store window. When the time came for her to really get her degree, the economy was not in the best shape it had ever been in, and the thing that the little girl had been studying for so many years was dying like an exotic animal in the rainforest. So the little girl came up with a plan.

She ran home, only 18 days til chirstmas, and wrote out her plan to Santa.

"Dear Santa:
I know it is only 18 days until Christmas, and I have tried so hard to be a good girl this Year. Santa, this year, all I would like for Christmas is for California to remember how important art is to our community.

Santa, I know you are busy, and I know that this seems like such a big request. I know how to make this happen, Santa, but in order to do so, I might need a new tool. So Santa, if you cannot bring arts back into the bay for Christmas, can you please bring me a lululemon bag?
Love always,
The Little Girl"

The wind down, evil energy drinks, and the turkey tradition

So, remember my pledge to stop using electronics before bed.

It worked. Sleep is great, and man, it really saves during cold and flu season. In fact, the ipod isn't even allowed on my dresser at night anymore because of how tempted I am to play mindless games on it all night.

I once read in a Donald Miller book "Blue like Jazz" that the devil's work wasn't necessarily bad deeds, but wasting your time. I SO AGREE! Other days when I could be writing my to-do lists, and (heaven forbid) actually accomplish EVERYTHING on the to do list, I consider a sucessful day. But a lot of times I could be playing dumb games and say to myself "but I almost have the high score... I will remember to do that..." and oops, big surprise, it doesn't get done.

On my own rant, I am pretty sure that on top of wasting time being the work of the Devil, wasting your money should be on that list two. Did you know, that an apple does more for a person to keep them awake and alert than any soda, coffee, or energy drink? AND, last I checked, juice was cheaper than energy drinks, not to mention an actual apple is 39 cents at trader joes... and your drinking WHAT??? does anyone ELSE see how that doesn't make sense? what? it doesn't come with a cool logo on it? or in an awesome can?

"But Nat Q. I don't sleep..."

Did it ever occur to anyone that maybe you're not sleeping because you're pouring crud into your body that has side effects to it that will keep you awake? Wanna break the no sleep cycle? STOP DRINKING CHEMICALS, go one day tired, eat RIGHT, and guess what, within 2-3 days you can be sleeping like a baby again. I challenge anyone with sleep issues to DROP the ENERGY DRINK! In my opinion, it is a gateway to waste more time and money on stuff youd don't want and won't need if you just treat your body nice. Come on peeps, seriously, you only get one!

Think about it, if you eat an apple, where's the harm? If it's your first day, your pipes might get clean (only REAL negitive side effect) and you'll be alert full, and up on your immune system. What if you drink an energy drink? Well, you pour chemicals that haven't been around long enough to know if they have long term effects on you or not (ever read the side where it says pregnant women shouldn't drink that? that's why...), you won't be full, and if you're like me, you'll have the shakes that will put you in a weirder mood than sleep deprivation. and guess what? it does NOTHING for your immune system... so, you get sick, which means you are now putting MORE chemicals into your body, which probably haven't been tested with your energy drink chemicals, and now you have a tummy ache, weird rashes... you can't sleep, nothing tastes good, etc. etc. etc.) It makes me want to cry for my peers that insist it is the eveil apple keeping them awake at night... and not the 1000 of chemicals their body has taken during the day. I mean, sure the example is extreme (a little) but all those "littles" add up.

On a brighter note, Thanksgiving is just around the corner and my sister & my's thanksgiving tradition is gonna be a great one. The tradition: no tradition! But we always take "Spanksgiving" (as we have named it) as an opportunity try new recipies and adventures.

This year's theme: "Side Spanksgiving". On the menu: nothing but sides... I think we are even gonna try Lobster mac & cheese, which means boiling a real live lobster.... I'll let you know 1) if it happens and 2) how it goes....

I'm going to say it.

Instant Messeging is ruining my life.

There! I said it.

Another sleepless night came and went and I awoke this morning with something I have not had in a long time...

Is that... It can't be.... nope. That's definitely... the sniffles.

It has been at LEAST two years since my last cold. And I attributed it to my lifestyle change my last year of college when I could afford to be sick, I would go to bed around 10 or 11, and eat only the best for me. I'm not talking Three Squares, friends, I'm talking hippie-green, Kale and broccoli Smoothies followed by tofu scramble for dinner (Don't knock it til you've tried it). And this diet of fortified Greens and limited processed sugar kept me more energized and healthy than any vitamin tablet I have ever choked down.)

And Now, fast forward to now. I have NO Dance, I workout when I can (which I figured out is a lame excuse that office people have come up with) where I didn't get off my phone/Ipod touch/ e-mail til... 12:30 in the freaking morning!!! No wonder Mister sniffles has come to visit.

I am making myself a promise, with you, blog, as my witness: I am turning off

If you could see me right now, I am doing robot moves like I am winding down....

::robot Moves Here:: Turn-ING-OOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFF....

No more electronics an HOUR before bed. I don't care if Twyla Tharp herself is on the phone!

I'll let you know how it goes... it seems like a good idea.

Friends: I'm BACK!

IT finally happened.

I knew this day would come, and it finally did.

I was in the shower this morning, and 16 year old me smacked me upside the head... and it felt good.

That's the punch line. I'll Tarantino it back so you know what I'm talking about.

When I was 16, I couldn't wait for college. I chose my clothes and habits specifically to prepare for it. I wore my tube socks and sweats like a badge of pride, I was too athletic to wear a skirt. Also, I was training to be a dancer, and I remember it being November, and the vivid memory that popped into my head was me wearing my ankle weights under my sweats, so I could sit and do my chem calculations WHILE sculpting my inner thighs for the grande battements that were gonna kick my but only a mere 6 hours later. I... was a multi-tasker.

Weird? It gets weirder.

I also used to do weird things like inspect the cracks in the cement to try and find a pattern. or watch ants to see if they had any weird patterns that I could steal and make dance formations... and if anyone ever caught me doing such odd things and have the nerve to ask me what I was doing. My answer was plain and simple...

"I'm conducting research."

One last thing... I have this thing about sleeping dirty. It used to be because I would dance so hard during the day I NEEDED to shower at night, there was no other option.

So... when I was showering this morning (because now I have to actually look like a person during the day) A voice came. God, my conscience, or whomever, came to me in the voice of 16 year old me. And they had a clear message:

"stiff."

Excuse me? I replied in my head. I had not slept well, which is why I was up.

"You've given up. Your a stiff. A working. Stiff."

and I wanted to argue, but there was one minor problem: My voice was right. I was on my way to a 12 hour day where I would get NO physical activity in, which was why I was not sleeping at night.

Well, I could have argued. I could have blamed society, my bills, school. But not today, a very important other voice came into my head...

"If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make the change..."

And I remembered My project with the City to be launched in JAnuary.

It was like I was in training all over again.

I got out of the shower and moonwalked (in my head) to my closet to pick out my outfit. While I have joined the working stiff world, I had to pick my outfit for the day carefully. JEans with a flair at the bottom.

Without HEsitation, I donned my jeans and ran down the stairs, leapt onto the big green couch and reached behind it where the wall meets the couch and pulled out....

... my blue ankle weights.

And as sure as I am typing this to you now, friends, I am working my hip flexors, greator trochantor, and Solar plexus from my desk.

Oh and that's not all.

With the help of Keri Smith (http://www.kerismith.com/) I became "An explorer of the world" once again... I took note of EVERY corner on the way to school from my house to the light rail to the office in which I am sitting now (Spiders do NOT congregate on the struts near the light rail station on fruitdale... the do at the convention center; if you are looking for a file folder at sjsu, it is PROBABLY in a corner... see?)

And when the VTA contacts me in January, I will be ready.

Friends, I am back.

Back by popular demand

Hello from Natalie Land!

The forecast: cloudy. With a chance of tears.

How do you help someone that can't help themselves?

I know this blog started as thoughts on creativity, but since I am on Dancer hiatus (which I am HATING, btw,) I have nothing to reflect on but life. Real life. And this is my real life.

A Loved one just took a hard hit. A born and bred pilot. Colorblind.

Go ahead, laugh. it is a little funny.

Anyone who knew this would have figured out something to do with his life by now, but not him.

He was born to do one thing, and that is fly.

So when he took his colorblind test this past friday and (obviously) failed. The results were dire. We are talking 11:30am drinking, followed by wall punching, looking for a new car or bike, talking about becoming a truck driver, and laying in the dark, staring at the ceiling. It HURT, friends. To watch my other (and sometimes better) half go to a dark and scary place that I personally have never been to... It hurt. So I did what any one would do: I searched for an answer.

Well, after not much hunting I found an answer. Across the nation, on the other coast, resides the one AND ONLY M.D. on the continent who specializes in color correction. I of course emailed him immediately to give friend (and myself, i suppose) a glimmer of hope.

Of course, after a long weekend of waiting, here I sit today with my shoulders in my ears. We have heard back from our doctor color friend. The appt. would be 4-6 hours and.... 8,000 dollars.

I reread the number. $8000. None to be covered by insurance.

And it was at that moment, and how I sit now, feeling like an elephant is sitting on my chest. Like someone has me by the scruff of my neck and it is keeping me from putting my shoulders were they belong. And all I can do... is type.

What do you do?

To make matters worse, I went to my regularly scheduled staff meeting and we were going around in a circle to talk about our strengths and how to perfect them... and while my peers went around and talked about themselves, I couldn't even listen...

Peer Mentors, that's who we are. Before college I served a similar position in my church. I help. All I want to DO is help people. If I could stand on a street corner and listen to someone's problems, tell jokes, and tap dance to make people happy I would do it... But how do you fix the unfixable? How do you repeal an outdated rule, and above all, how do you deal with someone whose passion has been savagely ripped from there hands.

I Pray. HE knows I've been praying. But HE also know I am a woman of action so here I am again at my keyboard, restless from my inability to help. And what could I tell my peers, while in this time of day all I could think about was how useless my strengths really are...

"My best strength is my organization skills. I came from a big busy family and as a result I have scheduling down to a science. There was a point in my life where I worked 6 jobs and had 23 school units, which can attest to my organization. I have often been compared to Monica Geheller, and the only reason I know who she is, is because there was a period of time where I scheduled TV into my own schedule, and the only thing that was ever worth watching during my 6 o'clock-6:28 schedule was reruns of friends..."

What good is this strength when you find a situation... a REAL life situation, that is perplexing. I cannot organize his eyes to see green or white, I can't even get a job organizing someone ELSE's life so they can pay me to pay for his procedure.... so I can only ask again....

What does one do?

A reoccuring theme in life

Oh, the silicon valley.

I was forced Monday and yesterday to stop and live in 15 years ago these past two days when I left my ipod at home. I never really stopped and thought about how dependant I was on it until this monday when I sprinted to the light rail and realized I had forgotten, not the ipod itself but the earbuds that make it useful. Of course, being constantly inspired by music, I started to panic thinking about my 6 hour day in my cubicle. So I started prepping myself listening for other music to hear during the day. It was a sunny Monday, and i had just been up a mere 45 minutes, so I was not ready to surrender to another case of the mondays... this monday was going to be different.

So I started hearing the humming of the rail car. The mmmmhmm's from the lady on her phone. the clicking of the nervous student behind me.

I started listening.

Hey this was fun. It was like I had eyes again. What I realized was most of the people I was riding with had their ipods in, and thus, were in their own little world, and I felt like a spy. I was encroaching on their "me" time, and no one knew because they were so wrapped up in their books, ipods, and phones, doing their best efforts to not look at anything other than the electronic they held.

Entertained by my new game, I lept off the train and started listening more. The street cleaning noise whirred, the leaves on the sidewalk (sidenote: where DO those leaves come from in downtown? it's all structure!), The clomping of the a woman's "big girl" shoes as she hurried down second street. Enamoured with my urban soundtrack, I soon heard something familiar and out of place...

Was that.... was that a flute?

And as I rounded the corner there it was. A man with a backpack stood leaning up against a lamp post with a backpack and a flute. And he was playing his soul. It was slow and loud, and he played with his eyes closed. What IS it about live musicians with there eyes closed? Ah, yes, it means they are playing for themselves... which can be great and not at the same time. You can be there or not, but they are gonna wail this flute anyway! And as I appoarched him, I wished I could help him out in someway other than a smile and a head nod as I hurried to work. I wished I could have put my backpack down and had an improve session right then with him to show my appreciation. But i could not. I looked around to see if anyone else was appreciating it the way I was!

Of course not. Too wrapped up in their top 40. In their blackberries.

::sigh:: I was only grateful I had not been that today... And yet after the events of Saturdays gig I was sad that I was not able to give him the attention he deserved. And I kept walking.

Sometimes I wonder how well i would do if I attempted to cut the distractions out of my life. And than I find I rediscover a new band and get zapped back into the rat race.

Now, if you'll excuse me, there is some studying to be done with my new acapellla cd i just bought off itunes....

Something to believe in and Contact improve

I have recently been rediscovering what it is like to live in the here and now. After a long jounrey of living everywhere EXCPET now, I was finally introduced to Contact Improve by Scott Wells at my university, and the things i learned in his class about dance and life I plan on taking with me everywhere I go. This is relevant because of the way our society works.

This weekend my band played a fund raiser event. It. Was. Rough. Not because we were unprepared. I, in fact, give MAJOR kudos to the people who tried to organize and plan it, but the crowd must have missed it was a concert, because when I got up to perform, I felt more like I was at a golf course than a concert. We were getting nothing... and these poor suckers had paid MONEY to sit and look like I was killing them softly. And in turn, if you read my previous blog, this was really just bringing MY energy down and back into this awful funk of limbo I have been feeling for weeks, and apathy was rearing its ugly head at me....

Because of the outside venue, just about anyone could wander along to hear us... and that is exactly what happened. Out of nowhere, came a homeless man and sat nearby, and it wasn't more than two minutes that he sat before he jumped up, came within feet of microphone...... and Danced.

He. danced.

In that moment, this man who had nothing but the cart he had wheeled to our site, was happy enough to dance.

And guess what... people, these people who paid money, were LAUGHING at him.

Now, maybe I am biased because I have been studying dance for longer than anyone there, but there is a Japanese proverb that says, "We are fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance."when I go to a concert, and I have to pay my hard earned money that I make at a less-than- fun job to go to a fundraiser, a concert, or anything, I am gonna get my monies worth. And this man, was satisfying his need to express an appreciation to us for bringing him this joy to his day... So he danced.

And suddenly, my grey cloud lifted from my head, and the whole band's energy seemed to swing upward, because FINALLY, it was like we weren't just playing for ourselves anymore.

And yes, you could argue that my peers were laughing because they were uncomfortable... but you could also argue they were laughing because they were ignorant.

I am HOPING it was the former.

BAD BLOGGER

Oh heck, one day I will remember to update this on a regular enough basis that I will have regular followers....

So, I am sitting in a place that I know as "the black pit of despair" trying to rearrange my life in a way that is fitting to "Life after college".

I think I have finally figured out WHY I used to pile on all the work in the world in order to fill my time (other than it made good money).... I didn't have to THINK about the future! I would book myself so far in advance that I had to live in the present so that I didn't have to plan (or I had to plan so meticulously that all I could think about was the process). Well, it just won't work anymore, its time to face the music. As a part-time student and part-time worker I feel like I am sitting in a bad musical dance montage: "Too young to take over/ too old to ignore/ Gee, I'm almost ready/ but, what for?" (P.S. you get nerd points if you can name that musical). My super parent recently sent me a youtube clip of one of my peers I went to school with for 12 years. But it wasn't just that, it was the girl that lead the judgement and ridicule of my junior high career... and the video clip was of her great success she was coming into at our age... No one can make me feel like crap the way my parents can....

In other news, the VTA accepted my proposal, but they said don't contact us until January for anything. So... now I guess I should start contacting the city as we are 12 weeks from January. If everything goes according to plan, the Govenator will be signing my diploma and I will be on my way out of here and into real life before I know it... ::Sigh:: if only I knew what that entailed. Nervous and Scared are the words of the day... but for now I will read for my anthropology class. Blah.

... And there it went

I suck... it seems as soon as I go back to school I let everything go to the way side.

I have met with many people since I have been back to get Trolley dancing up and running here. Tomorrow I meet with Gary Masters, the director of SjdanceCO, about possibly working under his non-profit.

The momentum is building and I hope it doesn't pass... But as for testing the waters... here it is.

And I PROMISE to update my progress after tomorrow.

But i need to create... I an dying, itching to create. SOMEthing. ANYthing.

One song: glory!

I'm writing one great song before I....

I am SORRY I did not update about Linda Rondstat at San Jose Rotary. She was FAB! She spoke about how Music and Science go hand and hand (she was speaking about Art and Science, as they are supposed to co-exist, but because she is a singer, she focused on Music). I got to shake her hand and introduce myself. I plan on getting her notes from her talk to use in the dance and film class I am helping T.A. this semester.

So Class has been a shit factory and the state of the university is so sad, but I have my classes, and I am set for the first week, so number 1 is taken care of (as selfish as that is)....

BUT, VTA has called and e-mailed, they are VERY interested in my proposal for a "trolley dance-esque type dance event. That is the next assignment: FINISH THE PROPOSAL.

It gets late (ooo! 10:30!) and I grow weary, but I will be sure to keep the followers (anyone out there???) posted. I have a great feeling about the semester!

~Nat Q.

How do you eat an elephant?

When I was in High School calculus, my teacher was an Ex-marine officer. Right before he would dive into a huge, 20 minute proof, he would pose this question to the class... How do you eat an elephant???

The answer, of course, is "one bite at a time"...

So. the bite we took out of the dance project today was a two step process... we went and looked at a venue (GEM!) and Spoke with Mr. Fred and his wife about some people/places that might help us out.

The Gem I am speaking of resides right over O'Flaherty's bar and grill... I pub in san Jose which I used to frequent almost every thursday.... so when I realized where it was I felt silly that I never knew about it. Its a sweet setup, and the staff is SOOO friendly, so we definitely plan on keeping them in mind as a potential venue in the near future. I am STILL blown away that I didn't know of its potential even now. Regardless, happy to have found it...

Next stop of the day was a visit with Mr. Fred and his wife. It started a little frustrating because I was looking for answers to questions I hadn't yet formed, short of "How the heck can I pull this off successfully?" Mr. and Mrs Fred are very animated, and Mrs. gave us so much good information about who to contact next, and where to go. And what Marketing tactics we could use. So, after an hour of being bombarded with information, we thanked them relentlessly, and scampered back to the Laboratory to debrief and organize our strategy.

Tomorrow's assignment: Go to San Jose Rotary. I was so generously invited tomorrow to go see what they are all about... I am unsure of what good this could bring to Operation Dance Event, but I feel like I will get some opportunity just by showing up.

I only wish San Jose would have told me BEFORE I got my degree all of the theaters in the area. Maybe this can be added into the program, now that I know that it's missing.

Until tomorrow!

~Nat Q.

Another Mammoth adventure... and a lead?

Hello!

I promise one day I will get good at this blogging thing. One day.

Sometimes I feel like it is going to confession... "Hello readers! It has been 14 days since my last blog... I digress.

Things are looking up! Since my last blog, It has been crazy. Because of my early return I was blind sided by my overly concerned father.... who seemed to misconstrue my early return for irresponsibility and laziness (perhaps he missed my last blog). And what's worse when I disclosed even the smallest bit of information about my hopes to bring dance to the south bay he rebuttled with a "that is not financially stable". I know! No one is in Dance for the money!

So, I left for Mammoth once again, this time for fun, to clear my head and hopefully find some inspiration, direction, and all those romantic ideas people think happen when they Thoreu themselves into the wilderness...

ANYWAYS, once I got back I went to get my Jeep from my father's house. While I was there (its a long story I will spare you) I ran into my grandmother. After a brief discussion again about my ideas of bringing my dance to the south bay, she gave me a lead.

She thought it was a WONDERFUL idea and said (as grandma does) "Well you know who you should talk too..." And she gave me the name of a man, who I remember growing up AND coincidentally, ran into his name on another website I was researching for non-profits. WHAT LUCK... no no, not luck... WHAT SUPPORT! she said she would call him or get in contact with him to ask him to set up a meeting with me...

Fast forward to this morning.... a DAY later... not EVEN 24 hours, I woke up (shamefully late) to a voicemail beeping. It was grandma. She had already talked to her friend, my LEAD, and he would be delighted to talk to me about my project. Well, Just like that I sprang into action, calling my partner in crime into mobilization. In an afternoon we had, not only an appointment to meet with Grandma's friend (who will now be known as Mr. Fred), but also to see a venue we had no idea even existed downtown, AND contacted many potential choreographers for an event, looked at a few venues, and called countless people about venues.

After an exhausting day (I did more non dance related things after this) I am signing off, with hopes of reporting more awesome things in the near future... I'll shoot for tomorrow

~Nat Q.

The Mammoth Adventure...in as much/little as I can tell

I've been putting off this story for a while because while I was there I was not in a very happy place, but I feel like now, after I've told enough people what happened I can share it... Here it goes:

I flew out of San Diego at 7:30am the day after the night performance. I landed in SJ airport at around 9 am and was picked up and put into a 152 plane and flown into Mammoth by 10:30. The whole way over I was stoked because it seemed like it would be something new and different and I would get to be networking with a bunch of amazing people from the east coast (the other students were coming from Julliard, Boston Conservatory, and Florida State).

So I flew in and tried to eat (remember I had been not feeling 100% in San Diego the day before, and plane rides always make me not hungry) and called my teacher (whose name I will omit) who was supposed to be picking me up. So the teacher came to get me... and I was a little nervous because he was not your most conventional looking guy. From behind the wheel of a big black excursion jumped a small toothpick of a man who, by the looks of his deep set wrinkles and smoker- cough, could very well have been the crypt keeper or every bad dream I had about death, incarnated. Nevertheless, the intensive had been going on for 2 weeks, so by noon we were driving back to the airport to say goodbye to Dave (who flew me there) and get my things.

As we drove back into town I was starting to get more excited, because teacher was talking about all the people he had gotten a chance to work with in New York. I felt like I was talking to my history book. Especially since the day I flew in was his 64th birthday. So after stopping at a small restaurant I finally inquired whom else I would be working with this next couple weeks, since we didn't seem to be in a hurry to get back to a group of other dancers...

"... You... you... you... and you... and two little girls they are 12 years old"

He proceeded to explain to me that out of his 12 dancers who were SUPPOSED to be there, 9 of them bailed (due to injuries or financial issues) and I was there with two 12 years olds... who were locals in MAmmoth..

At first I was stoked... I felt like Luke Skywalker going into meet Yoda and Study with a Jedi Master of dance, one on one.... or was that anxiety...?

"Let's get back in the car, I want you to read something..."

Ok, sure. I thought we might be going to a library because our conversation before I asked had a lot to do with the original labanotations of some of Harkins Ballet that existed on microfiche somewhere... maybe it was an article on the freshly deceased Pina Baush...

We drove to what I later learned is essentially Mammoth's Ghetto, maybe 3 complex's filled to the brim with Mexican families. It was not scary, just loud with lots of small children.

We walked up stairs to an apartment, which he later told me was his, without going in, he sat down and a table and motioned for me to sit down also, as he picked up 2 articles... one was the sheet, Mammoth's news paper, and the other was a californian newspaper. He pointed to the 2 articles he wanted me to read and unlocked the house.

... The first article was about California's financial crisis and how it is affecting mammoth... The second was an article about the man who I had been traveling with all day. Apparently, he was being charged with money embezzlement.

When I finished reading both articles he started talking about how he had been wrongly accused, however, mammoth was a small town, and the people pressing charges owned many things in the town: the studio we were to be working in, one of the pilates gyms... the motel I was SUPPOSED to be staying in.... So I sat there speechless, as he explained to me some nonsense about how "he had a commitment to me as a student" and (this is where my excitement turned to sheer panic) in order to make things work I would be staying there, with him.

Let's recap: I was too be staying, by myself, with the crypt-keeper, in the middle of mammoth's ghetto, in his one bedroom apartment.

Heck. No.

I felt so played, and never more alone in my life. I didn't want anyone to panic, because I was not technically in danger, and I was trying to think of all my options out. Once he left me to "settle in" I called in the most calm voice as possible and arranged an escape. So by the time my warden had returned I could tell him that I would not be staying. And by wednesday morning, I was back safely in a plane with Dave and my business partners.

It's not even worth writing about what I learned those 3 days. I had one on one training in ballet, ended up teaching and cleaning solos for the other girls, and slept with one eye opened every night, because "teacher" would roll himself a joint and get in his car to sleep under the stars (at my request) and I would be left to listen to fireworks all night in little mexico, CA. And when we weren't dancing, I was inhaling second hand smoke and listening to this yahoo name drop and complain about the american government.

But here I am, Safe and Sound, back and ready to take over the world, despite my 3 day set-back.

Tomorrow, an update on bringing dance to the bay area.

Almost 2 weeks of Catch- up!!

Hi readers!

So... I stopped blogging at the end of my San Diego trip because it was 1) becoming repetitive because of my dissatisfaction with the new works and 2) because I got sick with something I most likely gave myself (like an anxiety attack) either way, I had the spins for the duration of the program... and it was unfortunate because as an artist I think it is your job to create something new and exciting no matter what tools you get. For Example, my senior project was choreographed and set in about... 6-8 rehearsals... all of which were 2 hour rehearsals, but I almost NEVER used all 2 hours... which makes that project come together in essentially somewhere between 12 and 16 hours.... That is LESS than these choreographers got with us... and in many cases, I feel like these choreographers shorted us invention because they were pressed for time.

... No one is asking for an epic, 4 hour ballet... all art needs to do is evoke something that hopefully is exciting and maybe fun, at LEAST visually appealing... some of the choreography was a big flop and the excuse was because we were crunching time... I hope I never get to that point. I hope I am always inventing. DVD to follow.

I will post (soon) my thoughts on my mammoth adventure, (dance intensive: 2, adventure: 12) but get ready for a rant.

Currently I am working quickly to try and bring art to the Bay area. After my intensives have finished, this will be the newest thing to follow on the blog.

Signing off for now so I can work on the bay area take over! Stay Posted!

~Nat Q.

Living on a prayer.

Ok here's the update.
I always thought I just wanted to dance. For whoever, wherever, whatever. After doing this week, I know now this statement is false.

I hate technique classes that are only taught on the right side. That's not technique. I came to work, push me.

The new rep. Piece is, in my opinion, way better than last week's, but we'll see how the rest of the week goes, I still have 4 days. I was cast in the role that was originally played by a man, but they claim the dance is "gender neutral". On one side, this means they trust me to base for lifts. On the other, it means I have yet to play the part of the delicate female. Ever in life. Not that I want to be that ever, but i think to be versitile I need to be able to fake it, and it looks like I haven't fooled anyone yet.

I am still learning so much from the one new work about quality of movement. It's nice because the guy that teaches it reminds me of the teachers at home, without the favoritism bias. I am recievibg as much feedback as everyone else. And I felt really accomplished today when he said the duet I essentially made up myself was coming along. It should be cake by Saturday.

The part that is frustrating is still the piece at the end of the day. There is nothing even remotely interesting about it, and it kills me to know I was trained choreographically better. I'm not a moron, and while I get choreographing for a bunch of people in a week is a big risk, but guess what, we are trained. I stand in the rehearsal and think, doesn't he have any faith in my ability? Were we really that lame the first week that we are geting shit for steps now? It's making me question my ability as an artist.

So as I sink into my pillow, I can at least know I am geting strongr because my entire upper back muscles are fatigued, my sprained toe is just annoying, and I think the result of over compensation from my toe has resulted in a shin splint in my right leg.

... But if I weren't here, I'd be at home kicking myself for not taking a chance to learn.

And I'm super missing my roommates and friends. My new bf down here looks a lot like renae. Course, nothingnis as good as the original.

Dead tired. Quilici, out.

Chill out!

I have not meant to be neglagent, but when my routine ends, so does my blogging sometimes.

It was nice to have a weekend to clear my head and rest. Friday was spent after class at the shores for some snorkel time and than to fiesta island for some fireworks. The bat rays were out in full force in the cove, which was pretty cool, and seaworld has fireworks everynight from June to September, so that's cool. But after a full day of dance and half day of swimming, I was sacked out in no time. Good thing I had nothing to do on saturday because I was wiped out.

Saturday was A few errands and a lot of sun. We went back to the shores for some serious boogie boarding and football. The swimming was actually making my toe feel better too, to my surprise. Than we went to old towns, drank, and passed out. It was quite possibly a perfect day off.

I did some retail bonding with my sister. We learned very early that no one wants to shop with two sisters, because we pretty much have our own language. I really only do my serious shopping with other people, but so far my sister and jolie are my most trusted shopping therapists. Anyways, the hippie in me found great sandals in sun diego, sanuk brand. They are flip flop soles with canvas covers, and they are hand made, microfibered for durability, and the soles are made from yoga mat. And they are recycled materials. They are already super comfy, and I am highly supporting the brand starting now.

After the lazy day of shopping, laundry, and wii sports, I think I am ready to dive back in tomorrow. I think I have a shin splint also from all the walking this weekend, so when that heals I'll be even stronger. Woo.

On a side note, I am bringing jolie with me to new York. She sent me encouraging texts on Thursday and I almost cried. While I know there are always my dance girls for support, jolie continues to support me even while she is never fully sure what I am up to, and I don't tell people enough how grateful I am to have their support. And I truly think I would have given up by now if I were left to my own devices. And yet, it's Sunday, and my alarm is set for another day of floorburns and athletic tape...

Hand!

So I've benn slacking, whoops.

This have been getting progressively easier... Slowly but surely I am feeling better about things. I'm figuring out the people I have been trying to compare myself to are definitely older than I was assuming with way more experience. So I guess that made me feel better.

I'm definitely better at across the floor things because of heather's class, and I am also doing ok at reversing without running it. So grateful for that.

The newest challenge came with my new work challenge. It seemed so simple: take this phrase of movement it make it a duet.

What would have normally ben an easy task is now the puzzle of my life because 1 my partner has little to no contact/ partnering and 2 I know what the choreographer wants, but because of my partners discomfort and newness to partnering, things are going slowly while I do all the work, and feel like I am falling short when he comes to check our progress because the only person contributing to Our progress is me. So, thanks to Heather and Scott for giving me all the lifts I know.

The profound thought of the day came from Joe, the guy that had been providing all the rest of the incite seen here. He said: pay attention to hands. What could seem very gestural, could be so important with the right amount of contact and pressure. Don't make it decorative. Dance with your hands.

Light bulbs went on everywhere. The quality of movement changed dramatically with this concept in mind.

So, week one, check. And I went to the shores and chrissy and I had tons of food and bonfire and played in the waves. I was conked out til now! Chrissy comes home in 10, and than, off to the zoo!

Singing with your body and touching yourself.

... Yea, really.

So I was not sure how I was gonna do when I woke up and my toe was twice it's normal size and red, but I dragged myself to class anyways. I soon learned that we had a new teacher for technique for the rest of the week. Her name was Juliene and her training was in...

Grahm and limon technique

FIST PUMP!

So while I struggled through technique class ( my injury gave me no releve on my left foot) I was relieved I wasn't injured AND trying something new... Rep was... feeling academic. The steps weren't technically challenging, but the floor patterns are intricate, and the second you stop counting you might as well start over because it is impossible to not screw up the four other people you are working with from that point.

So after the morning was over I quickly ate and ran upstairs to the in house physical therapist ( every dancers dream). She examined my foot and quickly diagnosed it as a sprain and minor contusion. Whatever, dr lady, tape that shit up so I can get back to class!

So yesterday's fruastrating class became a "lightbulb on" class for me today. Yesterday, the combination was overwhelming and tricky and awful, but today after running through it, everything became clear! Joe was talking about contact yesterday and how you really had to "touch yourself" in order to make the movement work. When I actually did what he said today though, the dance ( movementily, if that is a word) makes sense because it's like the hand initiates the shoulder, hip, or joint it is in contact with. He must have said that at one point yesterday, but I was already so down on myself I must not have heard it. Joe seemed to be as pleased with my epiphany as me.

So I made it. The last work is not my favorite, but it feels like one of those pieces that us going to be tedious to learn, and when it's performed everyone will love it... What is it about those pieces anyways?

We even got out of tedious practice early so I could refill my antibiotics (long story, don't ask) and ice my foot. I think I can make it through the week, I'm going in early to get my foot liked at again tomorrow, when I went in this morning itbwas aggrivated and red and we couldn't tell if it was and infection from the floor burn, Or the angry toe... The redness is gone, no infection! Woo!

Made it over the hump. We'll see what limon brings me tomorrow! Chacon anyone?
~Nat Q.

I get knocked down

... Nothing good ever happens on tuesdays.

Seriously, Being the second at anything pretty much is lame (I would know as a second child). But today, tired and sore I dragged myself to class, and after a series of unfortunate events (kicked someone in the shoulder, possibly spraining my second and third toe, being told I was too strong for my own good, and being put into a chorus role in a new work) I became very frustrated with myself and began questioning myself. Here I was, finally out of my bay area bubble, and I am still being cast as the "smart" dancer. The one who knows all the counts, paid attention to details, and could probably clarify the path of the arm and it's motivation...

Unfortunately for me though, smart dancers are not featured dancers, or at least that is my observation.

I knew this to be familiar to other aspects of life... I have identified before with the size 6 trapped in a size 12 body, an artist trapped in a stalky body, a featured dancer trapped in a smart dancer body...

The best two things I learned today was from Joe, who is teaching the new rep piece. He said 1: the skin is not just part of your body. The concept, "I think, therefore I am" is bull. Your skin reacts and has thought too. Not cognative obviously, but it reacts to impulses and should not be thought of as a part of your body, but an extension of the brain. And if you don't believe that, put your hand on a hot stove and think it to stay there... You can't. The nerves in your skin tell you to move your hand...

Ping! A lightbulb went on in my head. So bright I felt I needed to share it.

Last and probably more important at the end of the day he looked around at our overwhelmed faces and reminded us that we came here to learn. Part of growing is being frustrated, and handling it, be it conquoring the obstacle, or some other creative option.

... Gr! He's right.

So, I'm taking it all back. With a negative attitude I won't get anywhere. And by subscribing to a label I've already lost the game.

So tomorrow, I'm taping my toes together, pulling myself up by the bra straps and dancing like me, the smartest featured dancer EVER!

... Tomorrow is a new day! I'll let you know how it goes.

After a therapudic swim with sis and watching best in show, I will put my pity hat away and take care of Wednesday!

Wish me luck!

~ Nat Q.

Day one: I gotta get through this

... And I did

... By the skin of my teeth:)

I got to San diego dance place and immediately fell in love! It is a 2 story building with beautiful facilities complete with locker rooms, studios with wall- to- wall marley floors (not being held together with tape, mind you), and really nice music equipment (all the speakers work, sjsu kids!)

So technique class was challenging and I was definitely being called out for running into everyone.. But it was feeling a little like heather's class at home so I was prepared and not discouraged!

Next we learned a section of the company's rep "love and murder" since there were so many of us we were going to be learning the film version... Not the stage version (the fact that they even have two versions and there was a distinct difference made me impressed!)

The people in the workshop with me are very committed to the workshop to. I was impressed at the amount of attentativeness and effort put into learning the rep, from the ad who has a striking resemblence of Adam shankman.

After a quick break i learned a little more about the studios I was dancing in, and San diego dance scene on a whole ( but I will report on that later on the week as I learn more)

When we moved into new work I started to get more challenged. The choreographer was a guest, a six foot three inches guy that was... In love with the floor. So I made every attempt to move like him as my short stalky body would allow. My butt had been kicked thoroughly. and it was one of those "go when you think the music is telling you to" pieces with lots of chaos on the first day. So that's when I started feeling the burn!

So far so good! I am now waiting at home for Chris so I can eat some nom noms, maybe play some wii, and wait for the sore to set in. I can already tell tomorrow might be more difficult now that I know what to expect... And the second day sore will be settled in... Yipes!

Here I go again on my own!

Well, I had a few set backs, but I have finally arrived! After taking Georgia, my trusty jeep/hover craft over the grape vine and into San diego, I met my sister for dinner, smores, and fireworks! It was a long day and I was not 100% yet from my little 4th of July morning mishap, so I packed my lunch and hit it early in attempts to make it through my first day...

How do you measure a month in the life?

... and more importantly, How do you pack for that?

I have yet to find out the answer... and yet I did. I packed... for every senario I could have played out in my head. I am still uncertain of what I will ned but so Far I have:

1) a carry on with the entire contents of my dance clothes...
2) a day bag for sd, and
3) a day bag with all of my "adventure gear" and essential liquids that would not make it back on a plane for mammoth (to be given to Dave before leaving for SD)

I'm ho[ing to not pack the entire car with frivilous things... but I can't help[ but wonder if I am ready, or if there is a way to fully be prepared.

One: Singular sensation

My adventure started half way through my senior semester when I started applying to dance intensives all over California and seeing how far I could push myself in a month. Here is the game plan for the next month:

1) Drive 8 hours to San Diego

2) Dance 2 weeks with Malashock Dance in Point Loma, San Diego

3) fly home at the butt crack of dawn to

4) be in Mammoth Lakes, CA for another Dance intensive with Dennis Wayne from the 19th til the 2nd.

I am hoping to be able to use this as a record/ note taker of what I learn for return back to the bay, and attempt to put on a site specific festival in Downtown San Jose (but more on that later)

In the next few days I must:

1) by some more supplies for the mammoth intensive, (gloves, hiking socks)

2) get my car tuned up for a drive to San Diego (my sister is returning it when she drives up here for a marathon)

3)make sure the clothes and music is washed and clean or cut and on C.D. with backups.

4) be sure not to freak out.

That last one is most important :)

Step one: the Prep!

Hello Blogs!

I recently graduated with a degree in Dance. Soon I seemed to find this question looming over my head:

... Now what?

Well, I have a plan! I have been collaborating with a small group of dancers to start a few projects. My most current projects include adventure out into the dance world for the first time ever.

This blog is to relate and reflect what I do in the classroom with what I am hoping to bring back with me while I adventure out for the next month into the big, dance world!

So here I go... dancing through life.

~Nat Q.