The sweet nothings...

Contradictory at it's finest.  


Today was the first day for a while that I have had nothing planned.  If you looked into my calendar... it was blank.  


Most people get excited at the prospect of nothing on their Calendar. 


Not me. 


I feel my throat close, and I get dizzy and I feel as though my head might explode! 


Hello.  My name is Natalie Quilici, and I am 24 years old.... And I am a workaholic.  


But today, I have put myself through a mental test of strength and discipline.  I have made myself do nothing.  


It actually hasn't turned out so bad...


I have been told that Italians are supposed to be known for "l’arte non fare niente", the art of doing jack squat.  I also know my Grandfather whom I look up to wasted no time working hard so that I could have all the nice things that I do and I'll be damned to waste his hard efforts on "nothing".  So I tried it.  And the problem was, I don't like it.  I am trying really hard to Live in the now, and be happy with the life I AM living, but the truth is I spend a lot of time drawing up my master plan to NOT do that.  


So what does a workaholic do when they are making themselves do nothing.  


Well... they get in their cars and go outside.  They spend hours wandering a bookstore, looking at all the books, reading sections that look interesting.  I can't even believe HOW much time I spent today reading from different books on what I need to have a successful career (3 hours I think???? maybe 4)  I often found myself screaming in my head WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?! YOU NEED TO MAKE A MILLION BY THE TIME YOU ARE 33!!! GO HOME AND START LOOKING FOR BETTER JOBS


That voice has finally gotten irritating.  I remember reading in a book (not today, a few years ago) That the work of the devil is not necessarily doing something right or wrong, but more over wasting your time... So I have decided the new game plan is to do... nothing...


But not nothing.  Instead of looking for something better... I will do my BEST with what I have, and wait for better to come to ME.  


I have never been good with passive looking, but it always seems that when I stop looking so hard, opportunity knocks in abundance... Funny.  I seem to recall going through this at 20... swearing off boys and focusing on art, and when I became stable and comfortable with being me... in walked someone who also liked me (almost as much as I like me!) And while I have made many discoveries about myself, The common thread to my "unluck" in frantic job hunting, is me.  And so I am taking on a new strategy.  


What else did I learn today.  I try not to make assumptions based on first impressions.  Everyone does it, but I really try to give a person two or three days of ignorant sayings before I start writing them off... with at LEAST one opportunity to say I'm sorry... 


SO I have decided, with the encouragement of a new friend and my desire to talk to someone today (not including my roommate or boyfriend, they are more like extensions of me), and against everything I have already learned about this class... I will return reluctantly to crossfit.  Because I truly believe everyone/thing deserves a second chance...  Plus if it doesn't go as planned, I can always go back to my new addiction for hot yoga tomorrow...


Wish me luck!